this weeks scriggity
- "bounce this"
- "what a tool"
- "hello DEMO"
- "Thanks pluggd.com!"
send your news to news@scriggity.com and visit us at http://www.scriggity.com
also remember to submit your drunk vids to:
http://www.wildtab.com
this weeks scriggity
- "kissing frogs"
- "big bro is being watched"
- "cool as ranch."
- "Thanks pluggd.com!"
send your news to news@scriggity.com and visit us at http://www.scriggity.com
also remember to submit your drunk vids to:
http://www.wildtab.com
We had a blast!
I’m not too lazy to re-post, just real tired. We just got home from the podcamp conference in Boston this weekend and here’s a little recap, with a promise of more content this week (once we can all download and edit it) and there’s a neat little video someone made at the bottom of my post as well. We had a damn blast!
I’ve been spending a lot of my free time getting everything together and packing for Boston. My initial plan was to pack everything in a carry on bag. But I’ve heard from a lot of people that you have to be extremely careful about what you bring because security has increased.
Im thinking, “Come on. It cant be that bad. Im sure that they just dont want people to bring sharp objects or anything that might be used to seriously injure people.”
So I go online and check out the “Transportation Security Administrations” guide to whats okay and whats not okay.
Lets take a quick glance at a few of the items.
Item will be listed first. Followed by a “yes” if its okay to carry on the plane with you, and, “no” if it has to be checked.
Again, Just so we’re perfectly clear… if it says “yes” next to it.. You CAN bring it ON the plane.
Toy Transformer Robots Yes
Tweezers Yes
Bubble Bath No
Cigar Cutters Yes
Liquid mascara No
Corkscrews Yes
Mouthwash No
Knitting and Crochet Needles Yes
Lip gels such as Carmex No
Meat Cleavers No
Swords No
Nail Files Yes
Pudding No
Safety Razors Yes
Eye Drops No
Scissors Yes
Walking Cane Yes
Toothpaste No
Tools (less than 7″) Yes
Screwdrivers Yes
All creams and lotions
including Neosporin or first-aid
creams and ointments, topical or
rash creams and ointments,
suntan lotions, moisturizers, etc. No
Wrenches\Pliers Yes
Shampoos and conditioners No
Okay. Thats just a few of the items on the list. Is it just me… or is something SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP HERE!?!!?!
Scissors and screwdrivers are great! Hell! Bring a couple pairs of each!
But TOOTHPASTE!?!?!? Ha! Are you kidding?! I mean… come on… TOOTHPASTE?! That shit is deadly!
Lets do a hypothetical.
Im going on a trip. Im a guy, scruffy looking, lumberjack-ish type appearance. I carry on a large bag full of clothes and tools.
The security attendant goes, “Excuse me sir, may I ask why you are carrying so many tools with you?”
I, being the charming, handsome quick-witted man that I am, reply to her, “Ma’am, my beautiful mother is having trouble paying her bills. She has no job now that the cancer has taken almost everything out of her. Im on my way to stay with her for a while. Do some construction, make a little cash for her, and help out around the house. Its the least I can do, Ma’am. I hope that I dont cause a nice lady like yourself any problems with this old junk. I dont mean to harm anyone, only looking to do whats right.”
The attendant, who is at this point putty in my man hands, sends me through with a wink and a pat on the back. “Just wanted to make sure you didnt plan on hurting anyone.” she says. I board the plane, put the bag under my feet, and wait until we’re mid-way through the trip. Once everyone is calm and docile, I begin my attack.
I pull out a pair of scissors. Walk toward the bathroom and pass a stewardess. I grab her, she trys to scream, but I slice her throat open. The people on the plane go nuts. Anyone who trys to attack me I stab\slice them with a sharpened putty knife. People eventually give up.
I scream, “Everyone sit down and shut up! I have an announcement to make. This plane is no longer on its way to Atlanta… We will soon be en route to Mexico. If anyone has a problem with that… Prepare to die.”
The captain comes out from the cockpit. He tries to calm me, and he tells me he refuses to fly the plane to Mexico. I grab a walking cane from an elderly man near me. Its heavy, made of metal. I strike the captain, he falls to the floor, I then tie him up and place him in my seat.
In the cockpit the co-pilot is scared and crying. Just for the fun of it really, I chop off three of his fingers with a cigar cutter. Nevermind the struggle… the guy was weak and paralyzed by fear because I shoved a corkscrew in his abdomen.
Back in my chair, our captain is done napping, so I demand he take me to Mexico again. He spits in my face. I take out the small set of clamps I have and do some serious damage to the guys lower regions. Followed by stabbing him repeatedly with a nail file. He finally agrees to take the plane to Mexico.
We land in Mexico. I get off the plane and build a condo on the beach. I spend the rest of my days drinking tequila sunrises and surfing. Good times.
Now. Another version of the story, except this time, I’ll use items that are NOT allowed on a plane because of the lethal effect that they have.
Im that same guy, different bag.
On my way back from the bathroom, I walk past a stewardess, I grab her and dump Bubble Bath all over her. She looks at me like Im crazy, and as though she is really angry about having soap on her dress, and keeps walking. People on the plane start laughing at me.
I say, “Im taking this plane to Mexico. No one is gonna stop me. I’ll kill anyone who gets in my way. This is no laughing matter. Shut up! Or prepare for death!”
Some guy sitting next to where I stand says, “And how are you planning on doing that Mr. Bubble?” Plane erupts in laughter again.
“With THIS!” I scream in a very threatening manner…
I then squeeze a tube of toothpaste in the direction of the man. Most of it misses. But some lands on his face and in his mouth. He also looks at me like Im a moron and says sarcastically, “Oh no. Whoa is me. I may die from a fluoride overdose. Someone, please, call my wife and kids. HAHAHAHAHAHA”
Plane again, laughs histerically.
The captain leaves the cockpit to come out and laugh at me too. I run toward him with mascara wand drawn. “AAARRRGHGHGHG!!!! Take me to Mexico now!” He knocks the wand out of my hand and continues laughing.
At this point, Im frustrated and angry, so I run in to the cockpit with a bottle of shampoo and suntan lotion. “AAARRRGHGHGHGHHG!!! What NOW!?! HAHAHAH! Take me to Mexico!” I squeeze the substances all over the co-pilots head. It gets in his eyes and he is unable to see. The pilot comes in and pushs me down. I pull the Jello cup out of my pocket and throw it at him. It misses. The pilot kicks me in the head and I pass out.
We land in Atlanta and Im arrested immedietly. I spend a few years in a maximum security prison. And then I commit suicide by eating 20 tubes of toothpaste.
Okay. So. The first story, to ME, sounds a little more dangerous. But thats just a personal opinion. Who knows.
My point is. WHAT THE FUCK!?!? I CANT BRING GODDAMN SHAMPOO ON A PLANE!
Thanks to wildtab.com I’m going to the podcamp conference in Boston! Think I seem happy in this video? Well I am!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OLkJsGq2WI
Keep an eye out for scriggity on Wednesday as usual!
I felt it was one of our best.
No no. Not one of our best. It was THE best.
Yet. Our other videos all have four and a half star ratings. All of them.
Number 5? The one I like best? Only has three and a half…
Silly You Tube folks. And that CRAZY rating system they have.
Ha!? STARS?!?! For rating things?! Thats just odd…
___
Number of views is rising though. Which is awesome.
I want people to watch. So the news will just start pouring in. As it is now, we get our fare share… but I want TONS of it.
I want so much news that I cant even read it all.
Well. Maybe thats a little over the top.
____
Anywho. Podcamp is coming up. I would LOVE to go. Its kind of a little late to start planning and saving money now though. The camp is September 9th and 10th. I live in Florida. It lives in Boston. I dont have a plane. Or enough money to buy one. So… I want a miracle. Or. A jetpack.
___
Got dinner with “the folks” tomorrow. My whole crazy-ass family sitting around a table eating. Talking. Etc. Should be just… just… just loads of fun! <<(sarcasm)
Im kidding. My family isnt too bad. Sometimes its hard to believe that Im related to them. Im sure everyone has had that thought at least once or twice about they're own relatives.
I have to admit. I am kinda pumped about it. Ive been craving some good "home style cooking". And my grandma, that lovely little old lady that she is, can prepare some tasty treats. Im gonna come home fat and happy tomorrow.
____
I really wish I had a robot. Like a Jetsons robot. You know what Im talking about dammit.
“Robot. Go do the damn dishes.”
“Yes ma’am. Would you like to sip a frappuccino while I get those cleaned up?”
“Psh… Yes.”
I should have been born, oh, 100 years down the road. If we dont have robots in 100 years… Im going to be PISSED. And. Well. Dead. So. It wont matter much.
___
Is it Peanut Butter Jelly Time yet?
